Overwhelming excitement and happiness usually accompany the start of a new relationship.
You both look forward to seeing each other and bask in the feelings you have for each other.
However, nothing new lasts forever. As you get to know each other better, things change, people change, and feelings change.
These changes can either influence a closer relationship or a breakup.
Matters of the heart are especially delicate for women, and breakups popularly referred to in Nigeria as ‘serving breakfast’ are the most delicate of all.
If you’ve ever been served breakfast, you know how distressing it can be even when it’s for the best.
More reasons why you should be sensitive and respectful when ending a relationship with your
Why is Break Up a Difficult Thing?
To be honest, breaking up with someone you love or loved is a difficult step.
Especially if you’re worried about hurting them or when you think about all the things you would miss about them, such as the sex, their family and friends, their love and support, etc.
With all of this in mind, you want to break up with your girlfriend sensitively and respectfully but how do you go about it?
What You Need to Know About Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend
The question isn’t so much how to break up with your girlfriend but how to do it without leading her on, hurting her, or making it awkward.
But come to think of it, is there a good way to break up with someone you love or loved?
While there is no easy way to end a relationship, some ways are better than others.
How to Break Up With Your Girlfriend: Don’ts
Do not ghost your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend
Ghosting, while easy, is the coward’s way out.
When you ghost the relationship or your girlfriend instead of having the breakup conversation, you are robbing her of closure.
Trust Nigerian ladies to find you and collect their explanation.
Do not break up over text, phone, or email
Another coward’s way out is to break up over the phone, text, or email.
This is insensitive and disrespectful to your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. Nigerian guys are guilty of this.
Do not point fingers
To have a relationship, two people must be involved, so why should you point fingers at her?
Looking closely, you would see that you were responsible for some negative things in the relationship.
However, there may be instances where the blame for the breakup lies solely on her such as cheating, manipulation, etc.
In such cases, you should tell it as it is and be prepared for an argument.
Do not lead her on
When breaking up with your girlfriend, don’t lead her on by giving her false hope that you may get back together. Just end it.
Also, don’t make promises you can’t keep to make her feel better.
Do not end your relationship in a public place
Breaking up with your girlfriend in public is one of the most selfish, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and insensitive things you can do.
It is a painful and embarrassing experience and should be done privately.
Don’t drag it out
Don’t ask for a temporary break if you want to break up with your girlfriend. You’re only prolonging the inevitable.
Also, avoid using cliches like “it’s not you, it’s me” as it will only keep her guessing about what exactly went wrong.
Give direct reasons about why you want to break up with her so as not to drag things out.
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Don’t try to make her feel better
Once you have broken up with her, her feelings are no longer your responsibility. So you shouldn’t try to offer comfort.
Comforting her will result in three things you want to avoid.
- It could make her feel worse.
- It could make her resent you for being nice while serving her breakfast
- You both could end up having sex which you don’t want to happen. I mean, you just broke up.
So, making her feel better is a definite no-no.
Read also: 5 Unfailing Tricks to catch your cheating boyfriend.
How to Break Up With Your Girlfriend: Dos
Be honest, not brutal
Be upfront about why you want to break up but remember that honesty doesn’t excuse harshness.
Use words that project kindness while still being honest.
Own your comments and explanation by using ‘I’ statements to avoid conveying blame or accusing undertones.
Tell her in person
Let her know that you are ending the relationship face-to-face.
If it’s a long-distance relationship and there’s no way to meet up, then break up with your girlfriend over a video chat.
Find the perfect time
While it is true that there is no perfect time to break up with your girlfriend, there are worse times to do it such as during a celebration, when she has an exam coming up, or when she’s ill.
Be considerate and endeavor to find a good time to unleash the breakup news to your girlfriend.
Be prepared for a range of emotions
She is someone you once had feelings for or still have feelings for.
While breaking up with her, be prepared for various emotions ranging from sadness, guilt, relief, anger, etc from both of you.
These feelings are normal and healthy, so allow yourself to experience them.
Read also: How to break up with your boyfriend.
End it with finality
If you’re sure about not getting back together, clearly explain to her why you are no longer interested in continuing the relationship.
Do not give false hope as it will only create a messy relationship that will end up causing both of you more distress.
Severe contact with her for a short time
Cutting off all contact with her will allow you both to heal and move on.
This point is important in order to avoid being entangled in a situationship where you both are not together but are seeing each other.
The more you see her, the more likely it is for both of you to relapse and end up in a situationship. Severing all contact for a brief period is healthier and will aid in faster emotional recovery.
Kindness and respect are everything when breaking up with your girlfriend especially if the breakup isn’t her fault.
Skimping on them may cause her to harbor resentment toward you.
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A freelance Content Writer and Instructional Designer. Jemiyotan Arioritsebafor is also a graduate of Mass Communication at the University of Lagos.