How to Deal With Commitment Issues in a Relationship

by Ann Okoroafor

Many Nigerian youths are currently single, not because they do not like the idea of being in a relationship or they have not found someone who loves them, but because of “gamophobia”.  

Gamophobia is a term that describes the fear of commitment in a relationship.

Others take the bull by the horn and get into a relationship but they still have to deal with this issue. 

In this article, I’d be sharing a few helpful tips for dealing with commitment issues in your relationship.

Some Causes of Commitment Issues

People suffer from commitment issues for these reasons:

  1. Negative past experiences

The things we go through over time have a way of shaping our thoughts and beliefs or leaving us with a trigger.

Traumatic experiences like watching one’s parents fight as a child, or seeing either parent being unfaithful in their marriage can cause commitment issues for an individual.

Sometimes, these experiences could be personal, like being in a relationship that was toxic with verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

  1. Fear of abandonment

The fear of being abandoned or left can keep a person from wanting to get attached to someone else. 

They were either abandoned by their parents, best friends, or lovers. Strangely, the death of a loved one could also cause this.

Even though they didn’t leave because they wanted to leave but because death happened, this person decides not to get attached or too intimate with anyone else, for fear of losing them.

Read also: Emotional blackmail in relationships. 

  1. Cultural or religious beliefs

The beliefs of certain cultures and traditions are not helping matters.  In some cultures, a man must not be with only one woman, or they are taught that a man must not share deep and intimate matters with a woman.

You will find it difficult to commit to someone you are not connected to, and you cannot connect with a person without hearty conversations.

  1. Personal beliefs

I saw a video on Instagram where a young lady was being interviewed. I didn’t get the question she was asked but I heard her response. She said that for her, cheating is not debatable. 

She went on to say that regardless of the extent a man goes to show her how much he cares and values her, she’d still cheat as long as they are not married.

Some guys believe and do this exact thing. And this belief system is anti-commitment. You cannot be “committed” to a person and have other options.

  1. Mental health issues

Commitment requires willpower, motivation, and energy but people who suffer from depression and anxiety lack those. 

Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder could also affect one’s ability to commit to a relationship.

Read also: How to improve your mental health with 9 simple tips.  

  1. Trust issues

There are also trust issues which most times are due to personal experiences from past relationships.

All these factors contribute to a lack of commitment in a relationship.

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Signs That Show You Have Commitment Issues

  • Not wanting a relationship to go beyond casual: You are fine with hanging out often but, the moment they start introducing you to friends and family, you begin to seek out ways to end it all. Some persons may act like this when they do not think they know the other person enough to marry them, and that’s Ok, but it stops being Ok the moment it reoccurs and often too.
  • You don’t feel emotionally attached to your partner. 
  • You never imagine your future in that relationship.
  • You have doubts about your partner’s commitment to you and the relationship.

Read also: 7 Important qualities of a healthy relationship. 

Signs That Your Partner Has Commitment Issues

Sometimes, you may not even be the problem in the relationship. You could have a partner who is dealing with commitment issues.

There are signs you would see, that’d help you realize this. Below are a few signs of commitment issues that your partner might show.

  • Lack of interest in spending quality time with you.
  • No plans or discussions about the future with you in it.
  • Lack of willingness to share deep thoughts and plans with you.
  • Ignoring your texts or calls for days.
  • Not checking up or remembering to check on you for days, if you don’t.

How to Deal With Commitment Issues in a Relationship

The first step to dealing with commitment issues in a relationship is:

  1. Realize you have commitment issues

This is practically the first step to solving any problem. Realizing there’s a problem. You can say something is an issue when there have been reoccurrences. 

After realizing that you’ve got commitment issues, find out the root cause of it. We’ve made a list of a few causes of commitment issues. 

Look through them to find out the cause of yours.

  1. Communicate with your spouse or would-be partner about it

Sometimes, we carry huge burdens because we do not talk to anyone about them. Make the other person understand your fears, needs, and expectations from the relationship.

Tell your partner about your fears. It’s ok to discuss it with them even if you do not know the cause yet. 

Discussing it with them could help you two figure out what the cause is.

  1. Find out the cause

Your partner may not be able to help you discover the cause of your fears that has caused commitment issues for you. 

However, you cannot get the solution to the commitment issue without finding out the root cause first.

Therapy sessions will help with this. You could speak with a professional about your fears, they’d help you identify the cause.

  1. Practice commitment

The only way to become better at anything is to practice. 

Some people do not commit because they truly do not love and want to be with the other, yet others truly want to be with that partner but just have fears.

If you fall into the second category, then you’d need to be more intentional with calling, texting, hanging out, discussing with them, fixing dates, and showing up even when you don’t feel like it.

  1. Take things slow

Don’t be in a hurry to do things that you are naturally not used to. And if it’s your partner who has commitment issues, don’t always want to have things done your way.

  1. Be patient

Be patient with yourself, be patient with your partner. These things take time. The cause of your/their commitment issue had built over time and cannot be changed overnight.

  1. Focus on the good qualities of your partner

There are cases where your partner may have certain weaknesses which might be the foundational cause of your commitment issues.

If you have decided to stay in the relationship regardless, there might be a need for you to focus on your partner’s strengths. 

Focusing on these good qualities will help you overcome those fears faster, especially when they have truly changed and have done things to prove that they have changed.

Conclusion

A relationship cannot thrive if the parties involved are not committed to each other. It takes two to tangle. 

One person cannot make a relationship work so, while your partner is dealing with commitment issues, do all you can to help them overcome the commitment issue.

Did you find this helpful? Share your thoughts in the comment section.

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About Author

Avatar of Ann Okoroafor
Ann Okoroafor
Hi there! I'm Ann Okoroafor, but you can call me ZY.

ZY is a lover of God, Storyteller, Voiceover artist, Moderator, and Content Creator.

Passionate about showing young people that they could be the best version of themselves through Creative content.

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