DNA paternity test

Should You Do a DNA Paternity Test for Your Kids Without Your Partner’s Knowledge?

by Chioma Akorah

Dear reader, today’s topic is an interesting one. It has ‘shaken a lot of tables’ on social media and caused squabbles amongst friends. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg; this same matter has ruined marriages as well. You never know, it could also ruin yours. Curious? Keep reading and you’ll find out. 

Paternity Test Scandal in Nigeria

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let’s get to the heart of the matter. Do you remember all the DNA scandals that happened sometime last year on Twitter? If you’re active on social media, you should know what I’m referring to. No offence to anyone who was involved but it was literally raining ‘bastards.’

There were so many stories of men finding out their supposed children were not theirs through one paternity test or the other and the whole issue had Nigerians by the throat. We can’t even deny the fact that we were all glued to our phone screens.  It almost seemed like everyone in the country was waiting with bated breath for the next episode to drop. And fortunately for the spectators, Twitter did not disappoint. 

Comment sections were buzzing with varying comments; some were hilarious, some dripping with fear (mostly from married men) and many people had some out-of-the-box ideas. There were quotes like “fear women,” “women can do and undo” and it even began a war on who cheats the most; men or women. 

With all these comments flying around and the Twitter wars it created, I couldn’t help but chew on this thought; why would you do a paternity test at all? It’s understandable if it was a medical situation where a blood type mismatch was found. 

 But why would you wake up one morning and decide to do a paternity test on your child? And to make things worse, you’re doing it behind your partner’s. Should you even be doing that at all, does it even make any sense?  Or as my fellow Gen Z’s would say, “Make it make sense.”

Should You Do a DNA Test for Your Kids Without Your Partner’s Knowledge?

After contemplating this and listening to various parties on their stands, I have come to this analysis. Or rather, this is my understanding of things.  If a man has doubts about his supposed children, that automatically means he doubts his wife’s fidelity. This leads me to believe that the foundation of that marriage was rocky right from the start.

You can’t just decide to do a paternity test behind your partner’s back if you trust her. In fact, it would be right to say that there was never any trust in the marriage. 

Doing a paternity test could result in two possibilities; it’s either you find out that the children are yours or worst case scenario, they aren’t. Nevertheless, would you believe me if I told you that either of those two possibilities could ruin your marriage?

The first one is obvious; she cheated, the children aren’t yours and she’s the one to blame. But what if the children are yours and she finds out that you did a paternity test without letting her know?  What will be your excuse then, what will you say to her and how do you expect her to feel?

Excuses like “I just wanted to be sure,” or insane arguments like “I snore and Junior doesn’t snore” won’t cut it. Your actions have only made her realize that you question her loyalty, and her integrity and it shows that you don’t trust her. To you, it may not be a big deal, but your evident lack of trust in her will continue to be an elephant that occupies a large room in your marriage. Seeing how fragile the ground of that marriage is, it may not withstand the weight of that elephant.

Scenario 2: Letting your Partner know Beforehand

Here’s another scenario to consider. Let’s say you decide to be honest and you inform your wife of the planned paternity test. Well, this may not go so well either and to be frank, not many women will take this news lying down. A cheating wife will never let it happen. She’ll do all sorts of things to make it look like you’re victimising her. She could even resort to emotional manipulation. 

A loyal wife on the other hand may agree to it but your decision will become something she’ll constantly think of and end up resenting you for. It may make her wonder why you don’t trust her. Could it be that you suspect her of having an affair because you are having one too? Are you the one to not be trusted?  Then there’s also the matter of the kids. What happens to them when the results come out negative?

Have you ever considered their well-being? What happens when a paternity test tells you that the children you named, nurtured, and loved aren’t yours? Do you suddenly stop loving them? Will they have to suffer your neglect because of their mother’s sin? 

Honestly, there is no middle ground in this matter. Whether you let your partner know or not, a paternity test will still cause a certain level of rift in the family. And unfortunately, nothing can be done to fix that. 

However, it must be said that this situation has helped to highlight a worrisome condition.  All this talk regarding mismatched DNA has only proven one thing to me. It seems that marriage, in our current society, is in complete shambles. If these are the sort of issues we are dealing with, there may be no hope at all for married couples.

What’s the point of being in a marriage with a partner you aren’t sure of or one you don’t trust? Dear reader, dwell on this food for thought and tell me in the comment section whether your marriage can withstand this test.

Conclusion

In any relationship, trust, honesty, and communication are key. If you’re poking into your kids DNA without your partner’s knowledge, you have broken all three of those things.

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Edited by Oluwanifemi Akintomide.

About Author

Chioma Akorah
Chioma Akorah
Akorah Chioma Diana is a recent graduate from the University of Lagos. A creative and content writer, her love for writing began in her Junior Secondary School when she became interested in reading.

​A 2021/2022 KANAC Creative writing winner, excerpts of her work can be found in the KANAC Anthology, Pride Magazine Nigeria, and Tush Media Magazine.

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